Relational dialectics is an interpersonal communication theory about close personal ties and relationships that highlights the tensions, struggles, and interplay between contrary tendencies. The theory, proposed by Leslie Baxter and Barbara Montgomery in 1988, defines communication patterns between relationship partners as the result of endemic dialectical tensions. Dialectics are described as the tensions an individual feels when experiencing paradoxical desires that we need and/ or want. The theory contains four assumptions: relationships are not unidimensional; change is a key element in life; tension is everlasting; communication is essential to work through conflicted feelings. Relational communication theories allow for opposing views or forces to come together in a reasonable way. When making decisions, desires and viewpoints that often contradict one another are mentioned and lead to dialectical tensions. Leslie A. Baxter and Barbara M. Montgomery exemplify these contradictory statements that arise from individuals experience dialectal tensions using common proverbs such as "opposites attract", but "birds of a feather flock together"; as well as, "two's company; three's a crowd" but "the more the merrier". This does not mean these opposing tensions are fundamentally troublesome for the relationship; on the contrary, they simply bring forward a discussion of the connection between two parties. The relational dialectic is an elaboration on Mikhail Bakhtin's idea that life is an open monologue and humans experience collisions between opposing desires and needs within relational communications. Baxter includes a list of dialectical tensions that reminds us that relationships are constantly changing, and that successful and satisfying relationships require constant attention. Although Baxter's description of relational dialectics is thorough, it is not exact or all-inclusive since we all experience different tensions in different ways.
History
Relational dialectics is the emotional and value-based version of the philosophical dialectic. It is rooted in the dynamism of the yin and yang. Like the classic yin and yang, the balance of emotional values in a relationship is constantly in motion, and any value pushed to its extreme, contains the seed of its opposite. In the Western world, the ideas of yin and yang link back to the Greek philosopher Heraclitus, who argued that the world was in constant flux (like fire), with creative and destructive forces on both sides of every process. Mikhail Bakhtin, a Russian scholar most known for his work in dialogism, applied Marxist dialectic to literary and rhetorical theory and criticism. He illustrated the tensions that exists in the deep structure of all human experience. For example, he identified that the tension that exists between unity and difference. Bakhtin conceived the human dialectic as two forces analogous to the physical forces centripetal (emotional forces tending towards unity) and centrifugal (emotional forces tending towards divergence). Like the Yin and Yang, Bakhtin's forces have no ultimate resolution. Baxter took the deep structural analysis of Bakhtin and applied it to communication theory. She found a set of axes where this dynamic tension operated. Later authors have added other axes.
Concepts There are three main approaches to relational dialectics: monologic, dualistic and dialectic. The first approach, monologic approach, frames contradictions as either/or, demonstrating that the contradictions are mutually exclusive or opposite of each other. For example, an individual can either like hot or cold weather. They may not like not a mix of weather conditions. Monologic approach means as we move closer to one concept, we move further away from the other. The second approach, dualistic approach, frames contradictions as two separate entities, showing that they are unrelated in nature. When studying a relationship and one individual in the relationship is evaluated exclusive of their interaction with their partner, then this is an example of the dualistic approach. The third approach, the dialectic approach, contends that multiple points of view play off one another in every contradiction (both/and). When two people are in a relationship, one can desire to be open in the relationship exposing certain parts of their life with the other person. At the same time, that individual can also have a sense of self-protection where they may not want to share everything about them with their partner. Both of these feelings can exist within the individual at the same time. There are four main concepts that form the backdrop of relational dialectics, as well as four major assumptions. Relational dialectics assumes that "(1.) relationships are not linear, (2.) relational life is characterized by change, (3.) contradiction is the fundamental fact of relational life, and (4.) communication is central to organizing and negotiating relational contradictions". The four core concepts of relational dialectics include: contradiction, totality, process, and praxis. Contradictions are the core concept of relational dialectics. It is the dynamic interplay between unified oppositions. A contradiction is formed "whenever two tendencies or forces are interdependent (unity) yet mutually negate one another (negation)". For example, in a relationship one can simultaneously desire intimacy and distance. Totality suggests that contradictions in a relationship are part of a unified whole and cannot be understood in isolation. In other words, the dialectics cannot be separated and are intrinsically related to each other. For example, the tension between dependence and interdependence cannot be separated from the tension between openness and privacy — both work to condition and define the other.
… excerpt ends here. Continue reading the full article.
